Diary of a Handmaiden 3--Speaking Up-Rabé's Diary
by princess-sari1
Summary: The third in the Diary of a Handmaiden Series, this one is from Rabé's POV. Since Rabé was one of the hms who accompanied Ami to Coruscant, this one follows TPM more closely.
1. Entry 1

Disclaimer:Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and Lucasfilm, Ltd.; I am just borrowing it for awhile. :) No money is being made off this story.

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### Excerpts from the Diary of a Handmaiden 3--Speaking Up--Rabé's Diary

  


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We just returned from a session with the Council in the Throne Room. Midway through Padmé's conversation with Senator Palpatine, the connection was cut off and Panaka thinks that this means the Trade Federation is finally invading Naboo. 

I am so afraid, and so ashamed of feeling afraid. 

I am supposed to be strong. I am one of the chosen bodyguards of the Queen. I have been trained to protect her and fight for her. How can I fear that which my whole existence is based on? 

Well, if Yané read that, she'd probably laugh at me. But I can't help it. I know that my existence is not just based on my being a Handmaiden, but it has changed my life so much that it sometimes feels that way. 

Six months ago, I was a simple farmer's daughter, with no greater ambition than to help my father figure out what had been getting into our longgrain crop. 

Then, some of Panaka's special forces arrived and took me away for testing and the next thing I knew, I became a member of an elite group of specially trained secret soldiers whose purpose in life is to protect the life of our fourteen-year-old Queen! 

It wasn't even my decision at first. It was father who saw the opportunities this would open for me and wanted me to take them. And it is true that I've learned more, seen more, done more in the last few months than I ever dreamed possible. But there are times when I long to be home again, just Maren Hilde's daughter, who is a genius with plants. 

Of course, it helps that I have come to love Padmé, both as our Queen and as a friend. Padmé, Sabé, Eirtaé, Yané, Saché–they have all become like sisters to me, even though we are still getting to know one another. Knowing that the Queen trusts me and relies on me is a responsibility that is weighty and frightening and wonderful all at the same time. 

And Padmé does trust me–I sometimes think even more that Eirtaé or Sabé. I'm not sure why, though. Maybe it's because I don't talk a lot. And _that_, ironically, is mostly because of my accent. It marks me as different from the others and separates me. They never mention it, but I feel different when I speak and so I try not to talk a lot. 

Wow, I'm really rambling on, aren't I? I have to go now. I hope that Panaka is wrong when he says that the Trade Federation is probably invading us as we speak. 

I fear he is right, though. 

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	2. Entry 2

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He was right. 

I have never seen a more painful sight than Padmé's face as she watched the droid army enter Theed. Her face only mirrored the thoughts and feelings we must all conceal. 

Sabé is now wearing the makeup and gown of the Queen, while Padmé hides herself as one of us–her royal handmaidens, her dutiful bodyguards. None more dutiful than Sabé, who takes all the risks of being the Queen upon herself. If anyone tries to harm the Queen, it will be Sabé who will pay the price. Now Eirtaé and I must protect two people–Padmé and Sabé, the true Queen and the false one. I fear failure in this task now as much as I feared the invasion just a few hours ago. 

We are now on the Royal Transport, hurtling through hyperspace toward some backwater planet called Tatooine. Yané and Saché are still on Naboo. I am so thankful that I was not left behind with those nasty Neimoidians and their horrible battle-droids. 

Yep, I'd rather be where I am, on a spaceship that's falling apart, on my way to a half-civilized planet that is ruled by the Hutts. 

You are perfectly justified in wondering if I'm crazy. 

At least we have the Jedi with us. And two very handsome Jedi at that. Not that whether or not they're handsome has anything to do with how well they can do their job, but it's a nice diversion to have such good-looking men to look at for a change. Sometimes spending ninety percent of your time with five other women can get a teensy bit tedious. 

There's a Gungan with the Jedi, too. He doesn't appear to be a particular friend of theirs–I happened to notice the young one (sigh) locking him in the droid storage area–so I wonder exactly what he's doing with them. All I picked up was something about being clumsy and banished, which seems a bit harsh to me. (Says the girl who once burned down an entire work shed by tripping over a power converter. {Long story. And I am _not_ telling it now.} Let's just say that it's a good thing I have such a forgiving father.) 

Eirtaé is calling me–she needs help getting Sabé's outfit ready, so–later! 

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	3. Entry 3

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Well, we're on Tatooine, and it is more desolate than I ever could have imagined. Sand and dirt and rocks as far as you can see, except where the city makes the slightest little smudge on the horizon. Padmé is even now walking toward that smudge, probably watching it grow larger, the buildings more distinct. 

When she announced her desire to join the Jedi Master, whose name I now know is Qui-Gon Jinn, and the Gungan, Jar-Jar Binks, and the little droid, R2-D2, that saved us while we fled Naboo, I tried to talk her out of it. 

We had retired into our chambers on the ship while the flight continued. When we came out of hyperspace and landed, Padmé went to find out what the Jedi were planning herself, while "The Queen" continued resting privately. Padmé returned several moments later, furious at how the Jedi had condescended to her. I think having to live as we handmaidens do for even a few short hours has been enough for Padmé. She's used to being listened to respectfully and obeyed. 

In any case, she started changing into more practical clothes immediately and had Eirtaé get Panaka, the only one with us who knows about the whole Handmaiden Deception. She told him she was going with the Jedi to see that things were done properly and she wanted him to back her up. 

Quite an argument ensued, with Panaka and I pointing out all the horrible things that could happen to Padmé in a place as uncivilized as this, Eirtaé saying nothing while she helped me braid Padmé's hair, Sabé barely managing not to wail as she wondered how she would know what to do without Padmé, and Padmé herself ignoring us all. Of course Padmé won. She always does. She's the Queen. 

She gave us all quick hugs, whispering something to Sabé that was apparently meant to give her strength, and then she and Panaka hiked off across the burning sand to catch up to Master Jinn. 

The younger Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi, stayed behind on the ship with us. And, No! I am not getting any ideas. It isn't likely he would ever notice me anyways. And I have no intention of ever drawing attention to myself by speaking to him more than is absolutely necessary, either. Still, I can't help feeling that we (meaning Sabé, Eirtaé, and I, who stayed behind) got the better end of _that_ deal. 

Listen to me, completely unprofessional. Panaka would order me to give him fifty pushups and a hundred sit-ups if he could hear me being so childish and immature. We aren't supposed to think about such trivial things–we have a higher calling as the Protectors of the Queen. 

It isn't like I don't agree with that, but I don't think any amount of training in the world can change the fact that we are young women like any in the galaxy, but with a larger-than-normal responsibility placed on our shoulders. If there *is* training out there that could change that, then I doubt I even want to know what it is. I like the parts of me that are still normal. 

In any case, that is what the diary is for–to give me a place to privately purge myself of all my unworthy thoughts and feelings so that when I have to act mature and Handmaidenly, I can. 

Be back in a sec... 

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	4. Entry 4

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Sorry about the sudden stop there, but it was an emergency–a transmission from home. Governor Bibble begging Padmé to contact him immediately. Jedi Kenobi told Sabé not to respond, that it was a trick. I agree. Sabé will follow his advice, of course, or at least she'll appear to because there is nothing else she can do. There are many ways that she can help by dressing as the Queen, but she can't take any real action without Padmé here. Not unless it becomes absolutely necessary, and then I fear what the consequences would be if anyone ever found out that their leader had been replaced without their consent. Hopefully, it won't come to that. As the Jedi pointed out, we can't do anything at this point anyway. 

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I am so bored. The Jedi have been in contact with each other, which is how we know that Master Jinn, Padmé, Jar-Jar Binks and the little droid are staying with some of the locals and are searching for a way to get the parts we need. We had no opportunity to speak with Padmé, however. I'm sure she is fine, she always is. But I am starting to realize how much of our strength flows from her. We are supposed to support her and give her strength, but I think it is really the other way around. Or maybe it goes both ways. Maybe seeing her wisdom inspires us to support her, and that in turn feeds her wisdom and strength, and so on. Or maybe I'm being too philosophical, as Yané always tells me. She always asks me how a farmer's daughter learned to be so flowery and intellectual. I always ask her how a politician's daughter got to be so straightforward and such a fighter. 

I always answer that my father may have been a farmer, but he was the best-read and wisest farmer that ever walked the planet and taught me everything I could learn. 

She always answers that the ways of the gods are not for us to know and that now I know the reason she believes in miracles. (She's joking when she says it, of course. Yané isn't one for philosophy, religion, academics, or anything else that doesn't involve shooting, punching, or at the very least, sweating.) 

In any case, I am BORED, and when I get BORED, I get even more philosophical and wordy. I can't help it. There are only so many things to do on a spaceship in the middle of the desert and I think I've already done them all. Well most of them anyway–all the ones that are appropriate for a handmaiden. 

And at least I don't have to spend the time covered in heavy gowns and thick makeup, like Sabé. She hasn't so much as peeped since Padmé left. I think she was embarrassed about how she acted when Padmé was getting ready to go, although it was perfectly understandable. It's a shame though. Sabé would have no trouble seeking out Jedi Kenobi and flirting with him, whereas I am too self-conscious to look straight at him, and Eirtaé would consider it a waste of time. 

Can't think of anything else worth writing. Maybe I'll go polish Padmé's jewels again... 

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	5. Entry 5

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Well, from what I've been able to pick up, the Jedi's plan is to try to win enough money to get us off Tatooine by betting on the pod races. I'm pretty sure I must have missed something, because that doesn't sound very much like what I'd expect a Jedi to do, but...who knows? Everything that's happened to me in the last six months has been completely unexpected, so why should I be surprised by gambling Jedi? 

Okay, well, the truth is that's an oversimplification. Master Jinn isn't really "betting on the races" the way it's usually done. He's helping to sponsor a little boy who wants to race, and if the boy wins, his master will provide us with the parts we need. Or something like that. 

It's definitely a gamble, though, and I have a feeling that Padmé isn't too happy about the whole situation. She's probably seething, and for the first time in six months, she doesn't have any of her Handmaidens to listen to her vent. Sabé attempted to demand she be allowed to speak with her "handmaiden," but Master Jinn pretty much ignored that, and turned his comm unit off. At least Jedi Kenobi had the good grace to look sheepish as he put his own away. 

I can tell that Sabé is frustrated in her new role. I guess this experiment proves that it isn't really the makeup or the wardrobe or even the title that makes the Queen–it really is the person under the makeup, inside the clothes, bearing the title, who determines the power that role has. At least that seems to be true in this case. I bet Sabé will get the hang of it, though. Right now she's just nervous and jumpy like all of us. Being cooped up like this isn't doing anyone any good. 

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Reviews are welcome!! :)

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	6. Entry 6

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Well, right now, somewhere nearby, the Big Race is going on. The Boonta Eve Race, it's called, apparently. I just hope the boy wins, or else we'll all be stuck here for a very long time. I– 

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Sorry for the interruption. As I was writing earlier, I was sitting on the ramp and looking out at the endless wasteland that is Tatooine, or all I've seen of it. I managed to write that little bit when Jedi Kenobi came down the ramp. He strode a few paces away from the ship and stood there for a moment, turning slowly as he looked out across the landscape with this intense look on his face. 

He seemed nervous and I asked him about it (Yes, I actually spoke to him–it may take a lot to convince me to speak up, but I am capable of it after all.) and we actually had a conversation. Even more important than the fact that I managed to speak with the handsome Jedi Kenobi, though, is what _he_ said to _me_. Somehow we ended up talking about my accent and he confessed that he had been teased about _his_ accent in the past, which surprised me. I guess that's because his is barely noticeable; it's really very dignified and nothing at all like my own and I couldn't really see anyone else teasing him about anything! Sigh. 

He asked what kind of accent it is and I explained how the village I come from is one of the few where the older people still speak the old language of Naboo and that even though most of the younger people (like me) don't really speak it, we all end up with Nubé-accented Basic anyway. And, believe it or not, he actually managed to show me a different way of looking at things. He pointed out that in a way, I'm helping Nubé stay alive and in the minds of the people and I should be proud to represent my planet like that. 

I never thought of my accent as something to be proud of. Actually, I never thought of it at all until six months ago, when I was uprooted and sent far from home to be a Handmaiden and realized that I spoke differently from _everyone_. There are only a few scattered places where anyone remembers the old language of Naboo and people from those places rarely leave. Having the accent marks me as being from an out-of-the-way, backwater town, and I've always felt that people look down on me for that. 

Now all of sudden I'm remembering that there are linguists who circulate through the villages, recording the language to preserve it. I'm realizing that the Nubé language is very precious, and that people should be treasuring the fact that anyone still remembers it and respecting those that do. And even if I don't speak it fluently, I know more about it than anyone I've come into contact with since I left home, including our Queen! 

Nubé really is such a beautiful language, and what Jedi Kenobi said opened my eyes to the fact that my accent may actually carry some of that beauty over into Basic. 

In other words, I've been turned upside down and inside out–but this time in a good way. I will have to think about this. Maybe I can convince Padmé to put more resources into saving Nubé. Maybe I can help it stay alive by studying it myself and by speaking up and letting people hear my accent. 

Ooh, this total change of attitude is giving me a headache... 

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	7. Entry 7

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Well, I'm still feeling exhilarated by the new ideas Jedi Kenobi's remarks opened my mind up to. But at the same time, I realize that they will have to wait until someone has time to work with them. Right now we are speeding through hyperspace from Tatooine to Coruscant. 

That's right–Master Jinn won his bet! And the boy who won it for him is on the ship with us. He's very cute and he's obviously sweet on Padmé. I wonder how he'll react if he ever finds out she's really a Queen. 

As I passed the central chamber just now, (and just happened to pause outside the doorway for a few minutes) I saw Padmé covering him with a blanket. _After_ she watched the holo from Governor Bibble. Okay, so I know technically that could be called spying or something, but I _am_ supposed to be her bodyguard. Just because she's disguised as a Handmaiden doesn't mean I shouldn't be keeping an eye on her while Eirtaé watches over Sabé. And once I saw her sit down beside Anakin (Anakin Skywalker is the boy's full name. I think his last name is cool, and it will be really cool if he becomes a pilot, which I guess he already is, seeing as how he just won the pod race that saved us from an eternity in the desert. Okay, Rabé, shut up and stop rambling and get back to business...) I went on my way back to our quarters. Even then I was nervous. I'm not used to not being with Padmé or knowing that one of the others is with her 

at all times. 

And after what happened when Master Jinn brought the boy back to the shuttle, I'm feeling especially nervous. Which reminds me that I forgot to write about what happened when Master Jinn brought the boy back to the shuttle. Quite simply, he was attacked by some kind of strange warrior, dressed in black robes (In the desert! He must have been sweltering!) and wielding a lightsaber. I don't know much about Jedi and such things, but I have a feeling there's something very serious going on here. 

And I don't want to leave Padmé alone for even a few minutes. Even on a ship in hyperspace, with no chance anyone could sneak on board, and even after it's been thoroughly searched. I just have this uneasy feeling that things are happening that nobody realizes and that are out of everyone's control. 

And that I better do a very good job of my job protecting the Queen. 

Why am I still sitting here? I'm going to find Padmé! 

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	8. Entry 8

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Well, I think I interrupted a conversation when I ran into the central chamber just now. Padmé was still sitting there talking to Anakin, and they looked up at me like they didn't particularly like being interrupted. But, too bad. I don't intend to let Padmé suffer some harm because I was afraid of offending her. And once they got over the shock of me sliding into the chamber and nearly tripping over my own feet and the hem of my dress (I told you I was clumsy, didn't I?) they included me in their conversation. 

I could tell Padmé was trying to cheer the boy up a bit by describing the race to me in animated terms, and it worked. By the end of the conversation, I was calling him "Ani" and chatting with him like we were old friends. In some ways he's just a normal ten-year-old and reminds me a bit of the kids back home. And then he mentions "Watto," the Toydarian who _owned_ him back on Tatooine, or it hits me that this boy just won a podrace, when humans aren't even supposed to be able to race at all, or he gets this look in his eyes like he's seen things no person, let alone a child, should even have seen, and I realize that he is very special. 

In any case, I haven't made a friend so quickly in a very long time, maybe ever. He's a little wary and shy, but once he saw that Padmé trusts me, he opened right up. I'm almost disappointed that I probably won't see him again once we reach Coruscant, since Master Jinn is planning on training him as a Jedi. Well, we just came out of hyperspace, so I better go. 

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	9. Entry 9

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We are now on Coruscant. I have been here only once before, a few months ago, when Padmé came to have an interview with Senator Palpatine and attend a Senate session with him. 

We were met at the landing platform by Chancellor Valorum himself, as well as Senator Palpatine and their guards. Sabé was still dressed as the Queen. Ironic that the first time Chancellor Valorum and Queen Amidala had the opportunity to meet, the Queen was actually Sabé is disguise. I wonder what the Chancellor would think if he knew. It's a shame, too. The first time we came here, Padmé was very excited about the prospect of meeting the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, but she never got the chance. Now he actually shows up personally to greet us at the landing pad, and she has to hang back as one of the all-but-invisible handmaidens. Oh, well. (Since I'm also one of the handmaidens, and one of the more invisible ones at that, I'm not all that sympathetic.) Back to the events of earlier today: 

The two Jedi went off to report to their superiors at the Jedi Temple while the rest of us, aside from the Chancellor, went to the Senator's quarters. Watching Anakin's face from the corner of my eye I remembered the first time I saw Coruscant. It is absolutely overwhelming. And it doesn't really stop being overwhelming, but you learn how to make yourself ignore it. (Handmaiden training comes in handy with that.) 

It's so _big_ and there are buildings literally everywhere. When you first see it from space, you almost wonder if it's a space station because it's this iron-grey color with lights spread all across it's surface. No green, no blue. The only clouds are all tinged with grey pollution. When you actually get down to the landing platforms, it's not much better. The surface is miles down, far out of sight, so all there is to see are buildings of permacrete and transparisteel with huge chasms between them, and ships and transports everywhere. 

"Overwhelming" doesn't half describe it. 

The Senator's chambers are very rich and grand, and no doubt that was overwhelming for Anakin and Jar-Jar, too. I'm used to it by now though. The first time I saw the quarters that belong to Padmé and the five of us handmaidens, I nearly fainted. I'm used to the opulence and wealth now, sort of. I can't help adding up the values of things (at least those ones whose values I"m capable of imagining) and thinking about all the things the money _could_ have been used for. That is my father's training coming through, I guess. Course, I don't have any trouble sleeping between satin sheets, either. Or eating delicacies imported from halfway across the galaxy. Or... 

Okay, I just went off on one of what Yané calls my "philosophical tangents" again. Sorry. 

Actually, we were escorted to the guest room of the Senator's apartment and Sabé, Eirtaé, and I had quite a job getting Sabé _out_ of all those clothes and all that makeup and Padmé _into_ makeup and a different outfit. (It happens to be one of my favorites, by the way, with this really cool fan-shaped Shiraya headdress that has cool beadwork and glass filaments. Padmé says it's almost impossible to balance it on her head, but it's really cool to look at. The dress that goes with it is really pretty, too, in soft purple shades that are kind of restful after the red Padmé often wears. Sorry–another sidetrack.) In any case, we finally got Sabé and Padmé changed, then the Eirtaé and I had to change, and then one of us had to stay in the quarters as Padmé, since it would be pretty obvious something strange was going on if there were three handmaidens, but none of them was Padmé. I was a little surprised when Padmé told Sabé to stay behind, although it made sense, since acting as Queen was wearing Sabé out pretty well. We're all really nervous that the deception will be found out here on Coruscant. 

So it was that Eirtaé and I were to accompany Padmé while she spoke with the Senator. As we left the rooms that have been set aside for us while we're here, though, Padmé quietly whispered to me to find what had been done with Anakin and Jar-Jar and bring them along. 

I found an aide, who explained that they had been given a place to clean up and rest, and I had him take me there. I beckoned them to follow me and then returned to the Senator's office with the two of them in tow. It was clear that the meeting had already begun without me (no big surprise), and since I didn't think it would be appropriate for Anakin and Jar-Jar to hear what was being said I told them to wait in the anteroom before entering the office and taking my place behind Padmé. 

The Senator seems to take the view that the Senate isn't going to be much help to us and he even suggested that Padmé call for a vote of no confidence in Chancellor Valorum! He has been, as Padmé pointed out to the Senator, our strongest supporter, and I wondered for a moment what the Senator could possibly be up to before I remembered that I am not the political specialist of our group. And Padmé knows what she's doing, anyway. 

The funny thing was that I could just see around Panaka into the anteroom out of the corner of my eye, and I could see Anakin was listening at the door. For a moment I thought about excusing myself and going to put an end to that, but then I thought, Why bother? I doubted he or Jar-Jar would hear anything that could be too damaging, and even then they probably wouldn't really understand the significance–even I don't get half the things that are said in these meetings. And I can't blame them for being curious, especially Anakin. He is, after all, a ten-year-old boy, and he hasn't had much of a chance to really explore Coruscant. This political stuff must be really boring to him. 

Anyways, when we left for the Senate building, I whispered an invitation for them to come with us. They won't be able to sit in the box for Naboo, but they can watch events on a viewscreen and Anakin will at least get to see the arena, which is _very_ impressive, even for Coruscant. 

Well, it looks like we're all ready to go. I took a moment to write this while Eirtaé coached Padmé in some last-minute details of Senate protocol. At least for this change of clothes, we only had to put Padmé into a new outfit with a new hairdo and touch up her makeup a bit. Her Senate outfit is also impressive, and if the headdress on the outfit I mentioned earlier is bad, the one for the Senate outfit must be killer, but she hasn't complained. I think she's too nervous. Yikes! Gotta' go! 

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Reviews are welcome!! :)

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	10. Entry 10

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I am exhausted. The Senate session did not go well at all. The bureaucracy has once again prevented justice from being done. If you tried to tell me that Padmé managed five complete sentences in there, I'd call you a liar. The only thing she _did_ manage was a vote of no confidence in the Chancellor, and I don't think she really feels good about that. Personally, I wonder what it can possibly accomplish. At least with Valorum there we had a supporter in the most visible position of power in the Republic. Someone with the resources to help us, even if only by sending a pair of Jedi to save our lives and get us here to plead our case. But it is not my job to question Padmé or point out where her decisions may not be entirely sound. She did the only thing she could do and she did it well, with courage and confidence and strength. I honestly don't know what else she could have done. 

Now that we're no longer in any danger and it looks as though our mission here has failed, the situation on Naboo is suddenly looming over us all again. I keep thinking about Yané and Saché and wondering if they're alright. And what about my family? It's possible that they may be somewhat overlooked. Who cares about simple farmers? But the Trade Federation is ruthless and the fear I feel for my family and friends and everyone on Naboo makes me sick to my stomach. 

I'm trying not to think about it. The important thing for me now is to keep alert and focused to protect Padmé. But then Padmé is safe in a soft chair in the next room thinking over the Senate session while my family and friends are facing who-knows-what back on Naboo, surrounded by mindless, heartless, heavily armed droids. 

Deep breath, Rabé, deep breath. 

I cannot do this. I am so afraid. It isn't like being afraid that I won't pass my physical examinations or that people will laugh at the way I talk–those fears are real, too. But this is something else entirely. I never knew real fear until the Trade Federation showed up around our planet. I feel helpless and hopeless and just...sick. The fear I feel is almost physical. 

I want to go home and I want to hide and I want to wring the neck of the Trade Federation Viceroy and I want to beg him to stop and I don't know what I really want except for it to be over. 

No–actually, I do know what I want: 

I want peace. 

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	11. Entry 11

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This afternoon was awful. 

You can tell things aren't right when I write twice in just a few hours, as I have today. We are all on edge and it seems I am not the only one weary from fear and grief. 

If there's another group of testier, snippier young women somewhere in the galaxy this evening, I challenge you to find them. 

It's as if 

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Sorry about the sudden cutoff there. We were still trying not to bite each others' heads off when Senator Palpatine returned from the Senate with Panaka. Apparently the Senator is one of the three nominees to replace Valorum as Chancellor. Is it just me or is that the tiniest bit suspicious? I really need to stop thinking about politics. It's totally beyond me and I let my imagination run away with me. I refuse to allow myself to believe that Senator Palpatine would use our planet's crisis to fuel his own career like this. Then again...he _is_ a politician. 

In any case, Padmé made a slightly surprising decision–to return to Naboo and work for our freedom from there. I'm not _really_ surprised because there is nothing left we can do here. And Padmé is not one to sit around and wait for a solution to present itself when she could be creating her own solutions. 

Just before the Senator and Panaka arrived, she was talking to Jar-Jar. It reminded me that there is another whole species of people on Naboo that have to fight the Trade Federation. Funny how easy it is to forget the Gungans, when they were probably on Naboo long before the first human colonizers. 

In any case, we are now once again hurtling through hyperspace, but this we're going home. 

The Jedi, Master Jinn and Knight Kenobi, are once again with us. (No, I am not getting any ideas.) 

I am absolutely terrified. I don't know what we'll find when we get home, but I know it won't be good. I keep seeing my home burned to the ground, and my family with it. Or else taken to one of the camps and "processed." I get shivers when I try to figure out what just what exactly "processing" is. And there is the very likely possibility that we will be involved in a battle of some kind. If so, it will be the first real and actual battle that I've ever been in and I have the normal (I suppose) fear that I will freeze up or run or in some way fail. Or get hurt or die. 

But, on the bright side, we're actually doing something. 

And I can't forget the Jedi, now can I? 

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	12. Entry 12

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We've landed in the forest and we're waiting for Jar-Jar to return from the Gungan's underwater city. The last part of the trip was spent getting Sabé into the Queen's battle-dress and the rest of us into complementary outfits. I'm not sure it's really wise to have Sabé impersonate the Queen right now, but then again, never has Padmé been in more danger. This is so complicated. I'll try to write more later if I get the chance... 

***** 

Whew! It's amazing how much can happen in a few hours. When Jar-Jar finally returned, he reported that the Gungan city had been abandoned, but led us to a place deep in the swamps that the Gungans call the "Holy Place." It was kind of spooky, with the ruins of large statues and buildings looming up among the trees. We were surrounded by Gungans on kaadu, all armed. I must admit that even after Jar-Jar told Padmé what great warriors the Gungans are I had a hard time believing it. It's a hard thing to realize that you're prejudiced, but I realized that up until today, I was. I've always been raised to respect other creatures, including the Gungans, but I always pictured them as being technologically challenged. I guess they are as far as "meckanics," but they have a highly developed organic technology and I feel horrible for feeling so superior. If Naboo is to be won back, it will be because the Gungans are much better prepared than Naboo's human inhabitants. 

In any case, we taken before Boss Nass, the Gungan leader, and Sabé tried to open negotiations, but he wasn't having any. Then, Padmé stepped forward and revealed the Great Handmaiden Deception and convinced Boss Nass to listen to her by–get this–kneeling before him and begging for his help. Padmé begging! I almost cracked up, except that it really wasn't very funny. 

Just think, I, Rabé Hilde, farmer's daughter, was witness to one of the greatest historical moments in my people's history–the treaty between humans and Gungans on Naboo. It was very cool. 

Right now, Padmé is trying to sell her battle plan to Panaka, Master Jinn, and Boss Nass. She'll succeed–like I said before, she always wins. Once the scouts return, I have a feeling we'll be moving out and heading into battle. 

I'm still nervous, but somehow seeing the peace between us and the Gungans and just being home again and seeing that the planet hasn't been burned to a crisp has made me feel a bit more confident. We _will_ succeed. We have to. 

*****

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Reviews are welcome!! :)

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	13. Entry 13

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***** 

It's over. I can't believe it, but it's true. Naboo is ours once again. WE WON!!!!!! 

I would be feeling totally awesome right now except that I still don't know if my family is okay. Casualty reports are starting to trickle in, but it will likely be awhile before there will be any news about people in the outlying areas. And Akaré is *really* outlying. There will be a celebration in a few days, and Chancellor Palpatine and several Jedi will be coming. 

I'm so distracted and confused with worry about my family. I suppose I could go back and describe the battle minute by minute, but honestly, I just want to forget it. I have a feeling it will haunt my dreams for years to come. Right now, though, I am awake, and I don't want to think about the battle. I want to find out if my family is alright. 

All I'll say for now is that we managed to do it. We fought to the best of our abilities, put all the months of training we've had to good use, and we succeeded. It was wonderful to see how we were able to work as a team, almost without thinking about it, just as we've been learning to do in past weeks. Our teamwork helped win the day–score one for the invisible handmaidens!! 

So many amazing things happened to make it possible for us to win back our planet–the teamwork of the handmaidens (Go use!), the peace between the humans and Gungans, Padmé's tactical skills; but the funny thing is that the battle was really won by...Anakin! The ten-year-old former slave from Tatooine somehow ended up in a starfighter in space and took out the droid control ship. And he had never even flown in space before!! It's amazing, and also sobering, to realize that had he not been there, all might well have been lost, even if Padmé had managed to capture the Viceroy as she did, and the Gungans had been able to win their battle. 

And of course, our success wasn't absolute. There were many losses. The Gungans fought a huge battle with the battle-droid armies out on the plains, and many of them died. 

Many humans died, also, including Master Jinn. He was killed in a lightsaber duel with that hideous creature from Tatooine. He showed up here in the midst of the battle and the two Jedi fought him. Master Jinn was killed, and then Knight Kenobi killed the creature. 

When I think about what all this has cost us...Master Jinn lost his life, Jedi Kenobi lost his Master, Anakin lost his savior, many, many Gungans and humans also lost their parents, children, brothers, sisters, and friends. The cost in sentient life is mind-boggling. And for once I won't apologize for being philosophical. If only we could have solved the dispute in the Senate. Chancellor Palpatine (yes, he won the election) claims that he will restore it to its former power and influence, but I agree with what Padmé said back on Coruscant–the Republic no longer functions. If we want peace, I fear we will have to fight for it ourselves, even as we already have. 

I will be able to go home and visit (assuming my home and family are still there to visit) after the celebration and after all these dignitaries leave, but that won't be for at least three or four days. There is a memorial service for Master Jinn, the celebration parade, and a banquet in Chanc. Palpatine's honor to get through before my mind will be put at rest. If only someone would send word–then I could find out sooner. Of course, if it's bad news, then I don't know what I'll do. 

Best not to think about it, I guess. 

Have to go...time to do Padmé's hair. At least this particular outfit doesn't require one of those ridiculous headpieces. 

*****

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Reviews are welcome!! :)

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	14. Entry 14

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***** 

Well, today is the grand celebration day and the banquet and tomorrow I should be able to take a speeder out and see if my home and family survived the battle. I am going to try to get through the day without losing it. For once I'm glad that Handmaidens are so often treated like nonentities. I will be able to hide my face with the hood of my cloak and I can look calm and expressionless and blank rather than cheerful or happy and no one will probably notice. 

At least I don't seem to be the only one not looking forward to the celebration. Saché has been really quiet. Sabé and Eirtaé are about as cheerful as I am, for the same reasons. Yané is cranky, too, but with her I think it's more because the battle is over. Not that Yané wants people to be hurt, but she was in her element with the fighting and now it's back to clothes and makeup and following Padmé wherever she goes like a shadow. 

Thirty more hours. That's my estimate for how long it will be before I know. Only thirty more hours to get through. 

Oh, and I almost forgot. The way things have been the past few days, I haven't had time to myself for my diary, but I have had time to think. I've decided to ask Padmé to support some new programs related to Nubé as soon as things get back to normal. I'm not sure what they should be, but I intend to find out. Who says Handmaidens can't get involved? From now on, I intend to speak up. After all, we Handmaidens are specially trained and expected to know at least a little about politics, diplomacy, and government, so why shouldn't we have a share in those things, too? I'm going to talk to the others about it and suggest that we have a revolution of our own. 

A Handmaiden Revolution. 

We are more than just shadows. 

It's time for us to speak up and let the rest of the galaxy know that. 

*****

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Reviews are welcome!! :)

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	15. Entry 15

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***** 

Well, I'm just taking a minute with my diary before I go to sleep because I am so excited. Somehow, I ended up seated next to the Minister of Cultural Identity (don't ask me–we've got more ministers and councillors than we know what to do with–I think someone got creative with the job descriptions) and I mentioned how I wanted to see something more done with Nubé. She was very enthusiastic and encouraging. She promised to send me a copy of the current Nubé database so I can begin learning it in earnest. She suggested that if I want to develop my skills, one thing I could do is translate my favorite stories and poems and stuff. Well, guess what my first translation project will be? This diary! And from now on, I'm going to use Nubé in my diary, even if it takes me hours to figure out how to compose a single sentence. 

I'm not sure why this has become so important to me, but it has, and I'm going to really put myself into it. 

Well, my excitement is fading now, because I'm thinking again about my family. I should know how they are in about...fifteen hours. 

Please let them be alright... 

*****

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Reviews are welcome!! :)

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	16. Epilogue, Part 1

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***** 

Epilogue: 

This has been one of the longest days of my life–and that includes the days spent on Tatooine and Coruscant and the day of the Battle. 

I woke up early, before dawn, feeling wide awake despite the fact that I hadn't actually gotten to bed until the wee hours. These diplomatic functions tend to ramble on and on (just like the politicians and diplomats themselves) and once we get back to our quarters, we still have to get Padmé our of all her clothes and makeup, which takes even longer than you would think. 

Anyway–even though I was running on a few hours of sleep, I felt alert and ready to GO. Since I didn't think the escort I'd been assigned would appreciate that early a start, I ended up going for a run. It was funny, 'cause I met Yané on my way back and she was like, "No way is someone out before me, especially Rabé!" Yané is the only one of us who willingly gets up early to exercise with any regularity. I grinned at her and kept running. 

It was still pretty early when I met my escort and we headed out of the city in a covered speeder. One of the volunteers in my group was a guy named Delranek Kobé, whom Yané met during the Battle. There were two other guys, both about my age–Harris Fordé and Hayden Christé–and the lieutenant in charge of our expedition was a woman in her late twenties–Carré Fishré. While we traveled, we took turns telling the others about our experiences during the battle. Not only was it interesting to hear how things went from different points of view, but it really helped take my mind off my worries. 

The group had been assigned to check out a number of villages in the valleys near the one my home village is in, which meant that we stopped three times before we even reached Akaré. (It's also why I got to go out looking before all of our esteemed guests left; since they would be going out to my village anyway, why not just have me go along? Padmé had assured me she didn't mind me leaving and my fellow handmaidens said they were perfectly capable of handling things without me for a day.) Each time, we all got out and asked for the village's mayor or equivalent, and then gathered as much information as possible about the casualties, if any, the village has suffered. The first and third villages had been pretty much left alone. The second one had lost several buildings when they refused to surrender to the Federation, seven citizens had been killed and another ten had been taken to one of the camps. We got their names and then promised to find them and see they got home–assuming, of course, that they were still alive. We also took notes at each village and at different points along the way as to where the communications systems had been damaged and what repair work would be necessary. Normally, these trips wouldn't have been needed because even the most remote villages are hooked into the planetary comm system. But the Trade Federation's jamming had caused unexpected permanent damage to connections to those outlying areas, and a lot of repair work would be necessary. 

In any case, as we finally approached Akaré mid-afternoon, I was feeling almost sick with anticipation. Would my village have been left alone like the first and third ones we had visited? Or would it have suffered the way the second one did? 

***

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TBC...

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	17. Epilogue, Part 2

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*** 

As we got closer, I could see that there was indeed damage. The first farm we passed was the Jallas' and the farmhouse was still smoking. There was no sign of anyone around, but Harris and Hayden reported that their scouting revealed no evidence that anyone had been killed there either. It wasn't much comfort, though. The next three farms we passed–the Everims', the Bheolas', and the Arrés' looked exactly like the Jallas'. Nothing left of the farmhouses but the shell, blackened and smoking. The farm buildings were sometimes intact, sometimes like the houses, and always the farms were deserted. 

The next farm, still about a mile outside of the village, would be my family's. We crested the hill that hid it from view and there it was. 

The house was gone. No blackened shell this time, no walls half-standing. Just a scorched pit surrounded by burned grass. The outbuildings were the same–just blackened circles in the midst of the grass. 

I couldn't help myself, I started to cry. Well, I just felt tears streaming down my face. I didn't even have the energy to really cry. All of my worst fears had come true. 

My home was gone and so was my family. I felt in my gut that they were dead, that I would never see them again. 

But I had to be sure. I got out of the speeder, barely able to see through the tears, and started stumbling towards where my home had once stood. I made it maybe three steps before I felt Carré put her arms around me to stop me. 

"Let the boys go, Rabé. Let them check things out first." Her voice was soothing, but it only made things worse. If Carré didn't want me to go, it was because she was afraid of what I might find and see. My legs buckled and I ended up sitting on the grass, her arms still around me, sobbing, while the boys checked things out. By the time they returned, I had managed to get myself under control again. I would have been embarrassed, but didn't I have a right to cry? And no one looked like they thought any less of me. 

Their report: once again, no evidence of human remains. (Well, they tried to put it more kindly, but I can read between the lines. I'd been helping them all morning and I knew the lingo.) 

"Probably they left when the armies came and went to stay somewhere else. With the buildings gone, they would need other shelter. I think we should try the village before we jump to conclusions." That was Harris, the voice of reason. And he made sense, too, even though I felt that I had enough proof that the worst had happened. I couldn't see my father leaving our home for anything. He'd rather sleep outside with nothing to protect him than leave our land, of that I was sure. 

In any case, what Harris said was still reasonable, and I nodded and tried not to start crying again as we got back in the speeder and headed over the next hill for Akaré. 

The village was still there, at least. There was plenty of evidence that there had been a battle. Some of the buildings had been burned down, others sported gaping holes with scorched edges, but they were mostly still standing. 

And the truly wonderful thing–there were people. I saw Auntie Verana first. She's as old as the hills and she speaks Nubé better than anyone still alive and she always took time to talk to us children. She was sitting in front of the remains of her daughter's home on the village outskirts, rolling bandages. She's blind, so she couldn't see us as we pulled up in front of her, but she heard the speeder and looked up expectantly. 

I got out and walked toward her, but I was so overcome with relief that I couldn't even speak at first. Finally, I managed to whisper, "Hallé, Atanté Verana," which is one of the few Nubé phrases I can actually speak–"Hello, Auntie Verana." I was hugging her even as she said, "Ité Rabé? Is that my little Rabé?" ("Ité Rabé" means "Little Rabé"–Verana's been calling me that since I was born.) 

"Yes, Atanté, it's me." 

She smiled at me and said, "We have been wondering when you would come, Itate." (Itate=Little One) 

Before I could ask about that, I heard a shriek from behind me. "Rabé! Is that _Rabé_!?! Atanté, why didn't you say something?!?" That was Chrissé Miarda, who really is Verana's niece. She's about ten years older than I am, but she's got a reputation for being really...enthusiastic. She hugged me so hard I couldn't breathe and never even stopped talking to catch her breath. "...What took you so long? We've been expecting you for days? Surely with your position, you could have demanded a speeder sooner? We thought you'd show up with an army to protect us even before the droids got here?" She went on and on until Verana stood up and said, "Chrissé," very sharply and she finally shut up. When Verana tells you to do something, you do it. 

Her comments had my head whirling, too. I felt guilty suddenly, like I really should have done something to prevent what had happened to the village, even though I knew there was nothing I could have done. And, in any case, nothing could dislodge the thought that had been dominating my thoughts for days. 

"My family. Is my family okay?" 

Chrissé opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get a word out, there was another voice behind me. 

"Rabé." 

My father's voice. 

My father...alive? 

I turned around, expecting to find that I had imagined it, but...there he was, standing there looking right at me, a bandage wrapped around his head, but otherwise whole and seemingly uninjured. 

"Daddy!" I hurled myself into his arms. I absolutely in a million million years could never describe how I felt at that moment. If I had cried before in pain, I cried now a thousand times harder in my joy. It was the happiest moment of my life. We just stood there, me crying all over my father's tunic while he stroked my hair and whispered soothing things to me, and his own tears fell onto my shoulders. 

By the time I finally stopped crying, a crowd had gathered around us, and we weren't the only two with reddened eyes, or the only ones sniffling. 

"Is mother okay, too?" 

My father got this look on his face. 

***

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TBC...

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	18. Epilogue, Part 3

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*** 

"Come and see for yourself, Rabé." He led me away from the crowd, and I heard Atanté Verana daring anyone to try to follow us. 

We ended up at my aunt Cela's house, which was intact save for a huge gap in the west wall which had been covered with a large plasteel board. We stepped inside, and father led me toward the back bedroom. He opened the door and said, "Risellé," which is my mother's name and then stepped back to let me enter. I'm not sure what I was expecting–maybe that she had been horribly injured in the battle and was dying. Whatever it was, it wasn't what I saw before me. 

My mother was standing in front of a rocking chair by the window, and when she saw me, she fell back into it, looking like I had felt earlier, when my legs just gave out. Only she was reacting from joy. She held her arms out to me and I crossed the room and knelt to hug her, burying my face in her lap like I used to when I was really little. At least this time I didn't cry. I just was so happy that she as alive and my father was alive that I didn't want to cry anymore. I finally looked up at her, and commented on what I had noticed in that first moment, before she sat back down. 

"You didn't tell me," I accused. 

"We didn't tell anyone, Rabé. We weren't sure if the baby would be okay. I wasn't supposed to be able to have more children after you, and I asked your father to keep it a secret until the baby was born. That way, if I lost her, I wouldn't have to deal with telling everyone. I'm sorry, though. We should have told you that you might become a big sister." 

My father had crossed the room and knelt down on her other side. He took her hand and then took one of my mine and smiled at me. "We were going to make it up to you by letting you name her." 

"You were? Are you still? And it's a girl?" 

"Yes, yes, and your mother thinks so," my father said with a grin. "Just pick wisely, Rabé. No Clotindé's in this family, if you please." 

I laughed. And it felt so good. I hadn't really laughed since the Federation first set up its blockade weeks ago. 

"This is like a really bad holodrama," I said, and my parents both smiled. 

"As I remember, you've always liked bad holodramas, Rabé," my father answered. 

"I wasn't complaining. At least most bad holos have happy endings." 

My father sobered and nodded. "If not for your mother's pregnancy, we likely wouldn't be here. The only reason we left our home when we did was because of her condition. Had everything been as usual, we probably would have stayed and fought...and died." 

I felt a lump in my throat. Until a few moments ago, that was what I had believed had happened. And it hurt just a little to think that my parents had sought safety for this new child, but not for me. _I need you, too. I would have missed you, too._ I forced those thoughts out of my head, though. I knew my parents cared, and I understood the difference between myself and this unborn child. And this was a time for rejoicing. 

I heard a soft sound at the door and looked up to see my aunt. After a new batch of hugs and "I'm so happy to see you's," she told me that my group was waiting outside. They were suggesting that Del and I stay behind so he could collect the information they needed and I could visit with my friends and family, and they would do the other villages and come back for us. I agreed, of course, and that's what happened. Del got the information, with some help from me and my father, who always knows everything about everyone in the village, and I got to spend time with my mother and father, and the rest of my family and friends. It was dark when Carré, Harris, and Hayden returned, and I hated to leave. It felt so good to be at home, to see all the familiar faces that I had left so unwillingly months before. 

But my father, as usual, gave me back my strength. He had explained why our farm was the worst. He had been chosen to lead our village in its stand against the droids, and when the droid commander learned of it, and probably passed that information on to his Neimoidian superior, he ordered our farm burned to a crisp to try to convince my father to change his mind. It didn't work, of course, and fortunatley, my parents were already long gone. The villagers and nearby farmers chose to make their stand, with my father's direction, at the village, which is at least in a defendable position. Still, it's defenses are no match for an army like the Neimoidians battle-droids, and the village would likely have been utterly destroyed and the people killed or captured, had the attacknot happened on the day of the final battle. Just as the droids trained their blasters on the village and began to open fire, Anakin was taking down the control ship. Only a few blasts rained on the village before the droids were deactivated. 

The villagers were thrilled when I explained how that happened. And I had to tell the whole story of Tatooine and Coruscant and the Battle for Naboo and Anakin and the Jedi and Padmé and the other handmaidens and everything I knew that they didn't. 

It was exhausting, but wonderful. I had a chance to tell my father privately what Chrissé had said to me about how I should have saved the village and he hugged me and said, "Rabé, you did something much better–you put aside your own personal feelings and fears and helped save the whole planet." When I protested that any of the handmaidens could have done what I did, he shook his head and shushed me. "Who knows what part you may have played in making things work out the way you did. You can't know if something you said to Padmé or Anakin or someone else helped them make a decision they wouldn't otherwise have made. Maybe one of the droids you shot would have shot Padmé ten minutes later if you hadn't done so. Maybe when you befriended young Anakin on the ship, or invited him to the Senate, you helped give him the courage that led him to destroy the control ship. You will never know. But know this, Rabé, I am proud of you. And remember, too, that we didn't lose a single person in our village–not one. We have injuries, yes, but nothing that some bacta and Verana's remedies and time won't heal." 

"What about all the homes, though, Father?" 

"Homes can be rebuilt, Rabé, and fields can be replanted–you know that. The important thing is that we are all safe. And Rabé, would it have been right for our village to get special protection just because you are from here? Wouldn't that have been showing unfair and preferential treatment? Chrissé always says whatever she thinks and she's too busy talking to think very clearly. Don't let her thoughtless words deprive you of the joy you deserve. I would be less proud of you now had you had an army sent here than I am knowing you kept focused on the task set before you. And, as your mother always says, All's well that ends well." 

As I unwillingly began heading for the landspeeder, my father took me in his arms again and whispered, "Be strong, Rabé. Your mother and I are so proud of you, and we always will be. And don't forget to let us know what name you choose. We'll expect you to have one picked out when we come to Theed next month." 

"You're coming to Theed?" I asked, suddenly feeling much better. A month wasn't such a very long time. 

"Yes, Theed Medical Center has the best prenatal and birthing center on Naboo, and your mother will spend her last months of pregnancy there. So, you'll get to see us very soon, and for at least a couple months, too. Now, go on and get back to your duties. It sounds to me like Padmé couldn't do without you." 

"Now you sound like a biased father." 

"I _am_ a biased father. Now scoot." 

I scooted. Our ride back to the city was quiet, and I had a chance to go back over the day's events in my mind. The greatest sorrow and the deepest joy. My home was gone, but it would be rebuilt–perhaps in time for my new baby sister (or brother, should my mother be wrong) to come home to. 

***

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TBC... 

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	19. Epilogue, Part 4

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*** 

By the time we entered the outskirts of Theed, my thoughts had returned to my ideas about Nubé. Hearing Verana and others speak Nubé again, and hearing the accent that isn't an accent in my village because everyone speaks the same way inspired me to really get involved. 

Then I got distracted thinking about baby names. It should really be a Nubé name, I decided that right away. But what to choose? Brié...Auroré...Angelé...Renaté...Miané...Marié...Melné...Cindé...Imzadé...Saré...Jaé...Arielé I could even name her Padmé after the Queen. Or Risellé after Mom. 

And what if it's a boy? My mom _could_ be wrong. I need to have a boy's name picked out just in case. That's even harder to choose. Jaré...Roké...Phané...Luké...Maren after Father...Too bad "Qui-Gon" can't be Nubé-ized (Quié? Goné? I don't think so.), or I'd gladly name the kid after him. I could go with Anaké after Anakin... 

This is going to be one tough decision. 

I finally gave it up and started thinking about the Nubé project again. I have to get in touch with that Minister I met last night and there will probably be a whole committee or team or whatever to work with, people who actually know what they're doing. 

None of them, though, will have the connection I do. Not that I'm planning on exploiting my relationship with Padmé–as my father said, that would be wrong. But I know Padmé will play along and let everybody _think_ that's what I'm doing. She cares about Naboo even more than I do, if that's possible, and I know she wants to see Nubé preserved, too. 

Well, I'm falling asleep even as I think all this out. I've had to shut myself into Padmé's wardrobe so I don't keep everyone up. It will probably cause some questions if I'm still in here in the morning, though, so I better get to bed before I fall asleep in the midst of Padmé's formal gowns. 

My family's safe, Naboo is free, I have a new purpose in life (sort of). 

I should sleep well tonight. 

And if I don't, I can go back to thinking of baby names. 

***** 

### _The End_

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Author's Note: The baby names that Rabé comes up with in this last part are actually plays on the names of my readers over at the JC Fanfiction Forum where I first posted this. Click [here][1] to go there.  
Diary 4, _Following Protocol--Eirtaé's Diary_,should be up soon! 

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Reviews are welcome and much appreciated! 

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   [1]: http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=2055051



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